I Know

I know I just gave birth to you, after 36 hours of labour.

I know that I fought to have you, and loved you, as soon as I saw you.

I know that you were the most beautiful little boy I ever saw.

I know how bright, and creative you were through your childhood.

I know how you made me smile, when I tickled you, or told me, you loved me.

I know being a teenager was hard for you, and for us.

I know people caused you pain, and made you feel bad about yourself.

I know that I Loved you more, and supported you through this.

I know when you were in pain, I held your hand.

I know when you were angry about the injustice, I fought your corner.

I know you helped me, when I was very ill.

I know when you were scared, I was ready to do battle for you.

I know that you did battle with me, causing me physical damage.

I know how hard that was for me to deal with, but I still did.

I know I made myself more ill, to love and support you through your illness.

I know that your pain, and the darkness you felt, filled me with fear.

I know I have never felt so scared for someone I love.

I know I was terrified we would lose you, and that caused me deep anxiety.

I know that the stress of loving you, nearly caused me to have a nervous breakdown.

I know as your Mother, I would have done anything to stop your pain.

I know I supported you, and encouraged you, even when it was very hard.

I know I was the one that helped you, to get where you are today.

I know I was the one that fought to get you out of school.

I know I was the one, who rang everyday to get you tutors.

I know if I hadn’t you wouldn’t have passed your exams.

I know I would have camped on their doorstep, until I got what you needed.

I know if I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t be able to forfill your dreams.

I know I am not perfect.

I know I made mistakes.

I know I am only human.

I know I did everything in my power.

I know when things got too hard, too volatile, I had to let you go.

I know it was the right thing to do.

I know it didn’t mean I stopped loving you, it just meant I loved me too.

I know I am proud of everything you have achieved through your demons.

I know your hard work, and my hard work, got you there.

I know that you not caring about my important things, hurts me.

I know that you not remembering simple things hurts me.

I know that not you not remembering me, makes me feel invisible.

I know that it hurts me to my core.

I know your life is important to you, and right now its all you can see.

I know that even though you hurt me, I will always be here.

I know that you made your Mother cry.