I Know


tears2I know I just gave birth to you, after 36 hours of labour.

I know that I fought to have you, and loved you, as soon as I saw you.

I know that you were the most beautiful little boy I ever saw.

I know how bright, and creative you were through your childhood.

I know how you made me smile, when I tickled you, or told me, you loved me.

I know being a teenager was hard for you, and for us.

I know people caused you pain, and made you feel bad about yourself.

I know that I Loved you more, and supported you through this.

I know when you were in pain, I held your hand.

I know when you were angry about the injustice, I fought your corner.

I know you helped me, when I was very ill.

I know when you were scared, I was ready to do battle for you.

I know that you did battle with me, causing me physical damage.

I know how hard that was for me to deal with, but I still did.

I know I made myself more ill, to love and support you through your illness.

I know that your pain, and the darkness you felt, filled me with fear.

I know I have never felt so scared for someone I love.

I know I was terrified we would lose you, and that caused me deep anxiety.

I know that the stress of loving you, nearly caused me to have a nervous breakdown.

I know as your Mother, I would have done anything to stop your pain.

I know I supported you, and encouraged you, even when it was very hard.

I know I was the one that helped you, to get where you are today.

I know I was the one that fought to get you out of school.

I know I was the one, who rang everyday to get you tutors.

I know if I hadn’t you wouldn’t have passed your exams.

I know I would have camped on their doorstep, until I got what you needed.

I know if I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t be able to forfill your dreams.

I know I am not perfect.

I know I made mistakes.

I know I am only human.

I know I did everything in my power.

I know when things got too hard, too volatile, I had to let you go.

I know it was the right thing to do.

I know it didn’t mean I stopped loving you, it just meant I loved me too.

I know I am proud of everything you have achieved through your demons.

I know your hard work, and my hard work, got you there.

I know that you not caring about my important things, hurts me.

I know that you not remembering simple things hurts me.

I know that not you not remembering me, makes me feel invisible.

I know that it hurts me to my core.

I know your life is important to you, and right now its all you can see.

I know that even though you hurt me, I will always be here.

I know that you made your Mother cry.

About silvermaneuk

Known as Nicky Turner-Sterling at school, and married and became Field. Got divorced, now Turner-Sterling again. Married to Kristopher and kept my maiden name. Nicknames are Betty, Knickers or Nicky. I am a mom to 3 great kids. I have been diagnosed with CFS/ME & Fbromyalgia and I also have neurological problems. I am registered disabled. So I have good days and bad days. Sometimes really bad days, where I cant get out of bed. But I try not to let it hold me back, I have to work with my limitations, but after a long period of being bedridden I finally got back to working albeit part time. I seem to be constantly on a diet lol. I love photography, I love my computers, and often create digital art on it. I love to read, and I love to listen to music, passionate about photography. I love to travel and look at beautiful places.I love to mooch around shops (especially the £1 shop lol) and stuff. I love to bake and cook. Love my animals, have 4 small dogs,4 cats and 1, 8 year old pony. Spirit is my best friend, I trained him, so I could ride him for physio therapy, and trained him so I could ride with as low impact as possible. Riding helps my pelvis and hips. When I dont ride it affects my gait, and I can hardly walk, so it is an excellent form of physio therapy for me. It can also make me flare badly, so I have to get the balance right. He's bitless, barefoot and treeless, he really looks after me, and makes it possible for me to have my dream, and he gave me hope again. If my physio hadn't encouraged to to try horse riding for therapy, I probably would still be bedridden. A disabled rider can do it, with the right tools! and pace pace pace! I can talk the hind leg of a donkey and snore for England. I get bored very quickly, which means I tend to flit from one thing to another, or do more than one thing at once lol.

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